Change Your Mind

I dislike how polarized we’ve become.

We so often align ourselves with a group and adopt the beliefs of that group. You shouldn’t be able to guess a person’s stance on abortion based on their stance on wealth redistribution, but usually you can.

I wouldn’t mind so much if it didn’t involve the right and the left feuding like Biggie and Pac. There’s a lot of anger out there.

If our beliefs are tied up in our identities, then someone challenging one of our beliefs feels like they’re attacking us personally. And it’s damn hard to get along with someone who attacks you personally.

I have a few prescriptions for dealing with this.

First, keep your identity small. The more labels you give yourself (e.g. “Democrat”, “capitalist”, “contrarian”), the stupider you become. The label puts pressure on you to conform to it, so you become less willing to entertain opposing viewpoints, even ones you previously would have agreed with.

Second, use the steel man. A steel man is the opposite of a straw man. Rather than presenting the weakest version of someone’s argument, present the strongest. If you can still beat their argument after you’ve steel manned it, you can rest easy knowing your argument is better. If you can’t, consider changing your belief. [1]

Don’t say, “I could steel man their argument, so I don’t need to.” Do the steel man. Articulating their viewpoint affects your brain differently than simply knowing you could. It’s harder to get angry at someone when you’ve thought through their viewpoint. You can still get angry! Some people deserve it. But if you’re trying to mend a relationship, the steel man can give you the empathy to do so.

Lastly, when you’re in a heated argument (or thinking over a complex issue by yourself), ask yourself, “What would it take to change my mind?” Your instinct might be, “I can’t change my mind, that’s suicide!” That’s why I advocate for keeping your identity small. Take a deep breath, and lay out the terms, no matter how restrictive, under which you would change your mind.

Let’s do an absurd example. What would it take to change my mind that slavery was a good idea? I would support slavery if you could convince me that the people were better off as slaves, to the point where some people would volunteer for slavery, knowing all it entailed. I doubt you could convince me of that, but I’ve still entertained an argument I disagree with.

If someone says, “There’s nothing that would change my mind,” say, “Okay, then we won’t get anywhere. For both of our sakes, let’s talk about something else.”

These tools won’t ensure harmony in your relationships, but they’ll help. And when you’re trying to make things better, a step in the right direction can be self-perpetuating.

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[1] Two reasons why people hold bad/incorrect beliefs:
-the belief helps you signal group membership (see “Crony Beliefs” by Kevin Simler for more on this)
-the situation you’re in is complex, and the belief explains everything neatly

If you can think of more reasons, let me know! There are plenty of others, but those are the two I see most often.

And remember, everyone holds bad beliefs for these reasons, even you and me 🙂